3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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