I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
