**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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