Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
