I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
