I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
