duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
