Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
