She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
