For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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