I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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