Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
