he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
this will be a night to untag.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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