Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
