he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
