Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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