so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
