So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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