dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Even my vagina gasped.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize