Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
