Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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