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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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