they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
