I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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