i came on her dog
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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