I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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