There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
