if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
