did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
