so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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