The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
