your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
