Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize