I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
