Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
