I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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