Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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