the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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