the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
