This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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