so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
