Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
