we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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