just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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