just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
