he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
