There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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