I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
