I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
