I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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