Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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