I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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