Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize