The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
