dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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