i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
