Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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