is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
