Apparently you make a good broom.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize