i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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