I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
