If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
