doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
