you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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