I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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