I've blown a few things in my day
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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