don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
