I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
