I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Pants are for mortals
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