I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
