He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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