im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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