Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
